Let Me Have A Daughter Like Mamata

The story started years ago when I was around 4-5 years old. It was the baby shower for my youngest aunt (popularly known in Bengali as Saadh), and my mother, being the eldest bride of the house was entrusted the responsibility of cooking the rice pudding (payesh).

All was going on well when suddenly one of the ‘well wishing relatives’ (who incidentally happened to be a master degree holder and a communist party member) pointed out that my ma should not be allowed to cook this ceremonial dish as else my aunt might end up bearing a daughter like my mom.
 

The saga continued and a repeat happened in 2004. This time I was at the receiving end—I had just regained my consciousness post the caesarian operation and was dizzy half in pain and half in ecstasy of giving birth to a lovely child. I was happy to see all my loved ones close by and felt secure, loved and cared for. All was again going on well when one of my most favorite aunts (again very well educated, though not a party member!) blurted out “Are you sad that it is not a son? Don’t worry next time you will have one”. Now being the egoistic person I am, it hit hard. I had always tried hard to be the best in every sphere where I participated and now I wondered if having a daughter made me a lesser achiever.

As years passed by I realized that even for the upwardly mobile class, or intellectual and educated class having a son meant all. It was a traditional mind set and despite all intellectual progressivism in Bengal this was a feeling that was deep rooted.

At this historic juncture I wonder will “Poribartan” happen in this mindset?

Change- as everyone will agree is always welcome – and it is heartening to know the middle class Bengali has moved out of his/her secured cocoon and welcomed change by accepting a party that is non traditional and albeit does not fall in line with traditional Bengali intellectual sensibility.

What Mamata Banerjee delivers, whether she lives up to expectations or reverts back to her histrionics, or will she merely be a pawn in the hand of more powerful male members remains to be seen — at the moment however it cannot be denied that she, despite being a woman, as fought back not only against the communist regime but against a strictly patriarchal communist regime. And that too in a country where a girl child is condemned to death even before she is born!

If we take a look at her we see that Mamata is the traditional bad girl who is every Bengali mother’s night mare. She does not comb her hair, she does not wear the right sober and pastel taant sarees, does not sit in the evening with harmonium (she sings late in night in her own created tunes), has not married in the right age, and forget a son, she does not even have a daughter! Nonetheless this non stereotypical woman today has received the blessings of millions of women who wanted her to see in the bastion of power.

People might ridicule her for her not so chaste Tagore quotes, lack of sophistication, yet even her strongest critics will admire her persistence and focus toward her goal. Mamta proves once again that a woman is equally capable as man —like every other woman success story her success screams out the anguish of millions of girl child killed in the womb “Give Us A Chance – We Would Prove It.”

Unfortunately, CPI (M) despite its progressive thoughts ignored a significant part of the voting populace – the women. Except for a handful, the core party is essentially patriarchal and the lack of any strong woman leader in state makes one skeptical that the communists never believed in gender equality. Banerjee among many other issues, captured this hidden yet deep rooted resentment amongst the women masses and the results prove it all.

At this juncture as all of us look forward to “Poribartan” I wonder if the traditional Bengali mindset about a son would change. Would the Bengali mother be at peace to see her daughter pursuing doggedly her career goals and not fret to her about “ how everyone of your friends has got married and not you – when will you settle down?”

Or will the mom in law be at peace if the daughter in law is singularly ambitious and despite being post 30 has yet postponed her decision to have a child this year as she is due for promotion? Will the expecting moms today in Bengal come out of the feeling “Ebare chele hok” (Let me have a son this time) to “Mamatar Moton Meye Hok!” (Let me have a daughter like Mamata.)

The winds of change are flowing across the state. At this juncture let there also be a ”poribartan” in how the intellectual Bengali middle class perceives its women folk.