Is it time for Time Out
My two and a half year old boy loves to watch almost every children’s series that comes on TV. There was a time, his favorite show was Blue’s Clues. He would be glued to the small screen, responding to Steve’s talking, jiving to the music, and cheering when Blue made his appearance. He was especially delighted when Steve introduced the “Thinking Chair”. This desirable piece of object is a red oversized chair which his grandparents will surely be thankful for. My boy always wanted a similar thinking chair.
As he grew older and his behavior changed enough to raise our eyebrows, the concept of “Thinking Chair” changed in our household. It now meant a chair where our little one can sit and think about what made us ask him to sit there. Needless to say, this chair was much less desirable and so was Blue’s Clues!
There has been innumerable controversies about the concept of “thinking time” and “time out”. While it has been favored by millions, it has also proven ineffective to tons of people. There has been countless discussions and debates and I want to write about my personal experience as a mother and a teacher.
“Time out” is a brief interruption of an action. The child needs to refocus and have some quiet time to think about his choices and actions which might be inappropriate. Young children sometimes get so caught up in what is happening around them, that they have trouble getting control of themselves and calming down. This is when the child is removed from the situation and expected to sit and wait till he is composed enough to resume activity.
I have seen this work, and I have also seen this to be ineffective. I feel it depends on the child’s age and his mental set up. Some children are too young and restless and it seldom works for children around 18 months. I am not saying that it does not work at all but it all depends on the temperament and maturity (err… what??!) of the child.
Talking prior to giving thinking time is very important. Sometimes talking and warning itself does the trick. But when the negative behavior is repeated in spite of talking and explaining, then separating the child from the situation might be helpful. Consistency is critical – if the child understands the consequence of not listening, then it should be carried out. If the child gets away because you do not give him a time out, that behavior will be repeated soon. Using the same chair or spot for a time out is essential too. This way the child knows what to expect. Once the child is seated (good luck with that!) the child should be timed according to his age. If the child is 3 yrs old, then he should be sitting for only 3 minutes. The child should not be entertained or allowed to play while sitting. It is also very important for the adult to remember when to end the Time Out. If the adult forgets that the child is waiting, the child often ends the session himself. In this case, the authority to set consequence is shifted from the adult to the child.
One aspect which adults often forget is not to let the child feel that time out is a punishment. It should rather be viewed as a consequence. When the time out is over, talk to the child about future choices and behavior. Do not use Time Out to shame the child or embarrass him in front of others.
How effective is Time Out? In my experience, it works better for children who are 3 and a half years or older. The reasoning skills of the child is more developed than someone younger. The child has more patience, more thinking ability and understanding of consequences of his actions. It is crucial that a child is not given thinking time too often, or else it will lose its gravity. Calming down the child might often be challenging so adults should deal with such situations only when they themselves are calm and composed and not angry with the child’s behavior.
These are my observations of Time Out. This has worked with me in real life. Talking patiently and listening to the child has often eliminated the need for a thinking time. Trying to find out the reason for negative behavior and resolving that issue can also minimize the frequency of Time out. If it does not work at a young age, it can be tried out again later. Adults should use their judgment to discipline the child while keeping the child’s personality in mind. Then again Time Out is just one way of disciplining a child. In the end we should always remember that every child is unique, hence what works for one child may not work for others.
